The Cruelcumber: Guilt & Fear

Yesterday, I picked up Dragon Quest IX: Sentinals of The Starry Skies and it is, in fact, my first Dragon Quest game. So far, it’s been great. I especially love the battles. Being able to set tactics for my party means a lot less jamming on the “A” button, which in turn, makes me a very happy person.

My only gripe, as of yet, is how the game makes me feel so guilty for killing some of the monsters in the first area of the game. Because I’m new to the Dragon Quest series, I’m new to the enemies. So when I’m forced to kill an adorable gumdrop, I’m caught a little off guard.

Why do I have to beat this thing over the head with a sword? It’s a blue smiley face! Why is it attacking me!?

Then there’s the Teeny Sanguinis, flying hamster-looking things that are described in the beast log as a, “cow skin-colored little devils who only chase after travelers because they want to play.” So if the game is already aware of this, why is it telling me to impale them with spears and light them on fire with magic?

The creature that leaves me feeling the most guilty after the thing forces me to destroy it is the Cruelcumber, pictured at the top of this post. Yes, it is a semi-retarded vegetable armed with spear. What makes murdering a cucumber with obvious mental disabilities all the more despicable? The insensitive bastards at Level 5 decided to give him his own death animation. Every time the Cruelcumber’s health is knocked down to zero, the poor guy falls on his back and its spear falls through his mouth and out the back of his head. That’s some fucked-up shit.

I THOUGHT THIS GAME WAS RATED E FOR EVERYONE.

So how do I do it? How to I play though a game that condones retarded vegetable murder? Easy, I’m terrified of them. In Dragon Quest IX, you play as an angel of sorts who is tasked with watching over mortals. The game starts with you and your mentor hanging out in the mortal world, watching an old man and his granddaughter walk down a road towards their town. Suddenly, a Cruelcumber and his Slime lackeys come rolling up. I remember laughing out loud and thinking to myself, “What, is the cucumber with the spear and the blue smiley face going to kill them?” That’s when the horror crept in. Even right now, I can’t think of a more terrifying situation.

Just something to think about.

I found these images of Dragon Quest IX monsters at Creative Uncut. The murderous Cruelcumber was taken from my nightmares.

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About the author, Jimmy Francis

Jimmy Francis is an indie rock musician and hardcore gamer. He enjoys hipster music, hipster games, and art pieces. When Jim isn't writing for gameESC or finger-picking sad songs on his six-string, he spends his free time crying. James envisions gameESC as a place where all hipster gamer musicians can cry together.

New Releases, Nintendo DS

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July 14th, 2010

3 responses

3 responses


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Todd

I’m kind of disappointed that Dragon Quest IX was made for the DS, as opposed to a console. I mean, I have a DS, it’s just harder for me to get into RPG’s like this on a handheld (although I do have Final Fantasy III, Final Fantasy IV, and Final Fantasy Tactics). You should definitely pick up Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King for PS2, though. It’s a really great game. Especially if you love sinking hours into RPG’s and level grind. Plus, knowing you like Chrono Trigger, a little more Akira Toriyama artwork is always a good thing :]

July 14, 2010 4:43 am

Jimmy Francis

I understand your disappointment, but the game works well as a handheld title. I really like the idea of DQIX’s “tagging” feature, even though I don’t know if I’ll ever have the chance to use it. Once you’re a couple of hours in, you come across an inn that needs you to canvas for guests throughout the game. You canvas by saving your game and putting your DS into “tag” mode, which is kind of like a “sleep” mode where your WiFi connection stays active. So if you’re walking around in the real world with your DS in this mode and you across someone else with their DS in this mode, your characters will show up in each other games. Cool stuff, but probably kind of useless if you’re not in a city or an educational institution.

You know what disappoints me? Valkyria Chronicles 2 and the Parasite Eve sequel on the PSP. Those are two games that I would absolutely love to see on a console again.

July 14, 2010 5:42 pm

Todd

Yeah, when I found out that Valkyria Chronicles 2 was going to the PSP, I was really disappointed. I was really impressed by the story and gameplay of the first game, and I really wish they were creating the second one for PS3. I think they would sell enough to justify the cost of console production. And the idea of getting trophies for that game is great. They’d probably be crazy, but in a good way. I remember playing Parasite Eve 2 (I think it was 2. Might’ve been the first) back in the day. I’m a little surprised about that, as well. And now that I think of it, even the Kingdom Hearts games on PSP and DS. Square needs to either stop milking the franchise, or release Kingdom Hearts 3 already.

July 14, 2010 9:06 pm

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